Inside Dieselgate, and the Ferry Solution(K-Roll's Side)

Kinja'd!!! "K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
09/24/2015 at 11:45 • Filed to: None

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That’s right, I’m gonna tell all of you exactly what’s going on, why it’s happening, and what this means, and stuff. Because you see, this has been in the workings by myself, and my master, Ferdinand Piech for a long long time.

But first, let us go all the way back to April this year. Ferdinand Karl Piech had just tried to oust Winterkorn from office, and soon after resigned from office because of an environment of trust “no longer exists” within the company board. But you see, dieselgate was inevitable once Piech resigned, it was only a matter of time.

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There are many reasons Piech tried to oust Winterkorn. Because he had the foresight to see that eventually, some dumb damn American would find out their secret and reveal it to the world causing much grief for Volkswagen and it’s subsidiaries. And when that happened, he knew Winterkorn would not be able to handle the resulting trials and tribulations.

Back in 2010-2012, VW bought all the shares in Porsche, becoming their parent company outright. This caused many problems within the traditional belief system at Porsche. Bean counters had more say, cars were designed in a committee fashion, going against the words of our lord and savior, Ferry Porsche(“No Porsche will ever be created by a committee...”). Porsche was becoming more VW and Audi. Not that this was a bad thing in the past, but Porsche has prided themselves in being an independent company, and this was unacceptable.

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(Here I am with Ferdinand Piech in his one-off 918)

But the most important reason Piech tried to oust Winterkorn, he needed a new CEO, and this is where I come in. In the days before Piech attempted to Winterkorn, he personally flew me out to Germany and picked me up with his 918, from there we discussed the future of Porsche and the automobile.

On the Autobahn, he told me, “Karl, das ist der Moment, in dem alles ändert sich für die Zukunft der VW, Porsche, und der Welt. VW’s Diesel Imperium zusammenbrechen machen wir uns, dass. Und in diesem Moment, als Volkswagen am verwundbarsten ist, zurücknehmen wir, was rechtmäßig uns!! WIR KAUFEN VOLKSWAGEN ZURÜCK!!”

I asked him why he would tell me any of this, knowing I have no power in the world to make a difference. But he had a plan.

He knew the ousting would fail, and he would eventually resign prior to dieselgate. Winterkorn would resign during dieselgate, leaving the CEO spot open for the taking; a taking he(Piech) knew he would not be able to recapture. He needed someone who is loyal to the Porsche Rebellion, someone who doesn’t give a fuck about emissions and fuel economy or bean counters to get into a high enough position where Piech could use his wealth and buy enough shares, at least 66% of VW to give Porsche control over VW and make more badass cars for everyone. The cars people want, enthusiasts want, not what the bean counters think the people want. Most of all, he needed someone who he could adopt as a “long lost heir” to the Porsche/VW throne, and that person is me, Karl .

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You see, this isn’t just about the environment(not that I give any fucks), this is an internal power struggle between Piech and myself, and VW. With me in power, and having control over some shit, I’d finally be able to do things that need to be done. the bean counters would be captured and stowed away in the dungeon beneath the Porsche Museum in Stuttgart along with the committees, and Porsche would get legitimate entry-level sports cars. I’m talking relatively stripped out 911s, Caymans, and Boxsters for a much lower price than what they currently are. That way, plebians who aren’t making 6-7 figures could actually have a shot at affording their dream cars without killing themselves mentally and financially. These would retain the previous 3.4L N/A Flat-6(9A1) motor that already gets excellent fuel economy for a sports car. The blasphemous turbo engines could be swapped in for a substantial optional fee should anyone be inclined. Manual transmissions would be standard on all cars, including the Macan, but not the Panamera.

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Also, the Panamera would die and the world would finally have it’s rightful 928 successor based on the Panamera Gran Tourismo concept using a drivetrain similar to that of the 918!! While this would be going on, Audi and VW could do whatever the fuck they want because no fucks given. With this plan we call the “ Ferry Solution ”, Porsche would be brought back to the even more glory days of decades prior!!

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DISCUSSION (18)


Kinja'd!!! Party-vi > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
09/24/2015 at 11:53

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So your plan, Karl, is to take Porsche down market?


Kinja'd!!! K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Party-vi
09/24/2015 at 11:57

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No, my plan is to expand the range within the market as far as possible. Porsche will retain the same set of models and trim levels and options, but the stripped out models will be placed as the lowest trim, but can be optioned out to be as expensive as the rest.

The entry level cars will expand the lower, while the 928 expands the upper.


Kinja'd!!! K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Party-vi
09/24/2015 at 11:58

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Also this is awkward timing....

http://jalopnik.com/porsche-chief-…


Kinja'd!!! themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
09/24/2015 at 12:00

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FALSE FLAG OPERATION!!!!! THIS IS A KARL SPECIAL FALSE FLAG! FALSE FLAG FALSE FLAG FALSE FLAG! DIESEL CAN’T MELT STEEL FRAMES!


Kinja'd!!! Party-vi > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
09/24/2015 at 12:00

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hahaha


Kinja'd!!! themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
09/24/2015 at 12:01

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This. This is good oppo.


Kinja'd!!! TractorPillow > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
09/24/2015 at 12:03

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I like where your heads at.


Kinja'd!!! mattc993 > Party-vi
09/24/2015 at 12:05

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Just think of how much “soul” people would appreciate in a Porsche 911 if their interior quality suddenly dropped to say, a BRZ level.

\s

Porsches have always been toys for the well off. Nothing new there.


Kinja'd!!! Party-vi > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
09/24/2015 at 12:07

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But by dropping the MSRP of entry level Porsches, you are moving the brand down market. Lexus will never have a car under $30, just like Mercedes won’t in the US market.

$45k would be a sweet spot for the Cayman or Boxster. Anything like $40k would be outright.


Kinja'd!!! K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Party-vi
09/24/2015 at 12:09

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I’ll be in contact with Master Piech this evening. I’m waiting for my Cayman GTS anyways.


Kinja'd!!! Santiago of Escuderia Boricua > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
09/24/2015 at 12:15

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GT3RSs for everyone!

Also, think you could find the old tooling for the 964?


Kinja'd!!! K-Roll-PorscheTamer > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles
09/24/2015 at 12:16

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Kinja'd!!! K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Party-vi
09/24/2015 at 12:22

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We’re taking a slice out of the American Performance market and then some. Moving the Cayman and Boxster to a base MSRP between $40-45k to eat into Mustang GT and Camaro sales. The 911 C2 base will be slotted at $65-75k, it will be higher than the base Vette, but low enough to be considered by those who wouldn’t have had a second thought.

Mercedes has the CLA and GLA which start just at $31k, so they’re very close.


Kinja'd!!! K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Santiago of Escuderia Boricua
09/24/2015 at 12:22

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I’ll have my people look around. What do you need it for?


Kinja'd!!! K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Party-vi
09/24/2015 at 12:24

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He’s in cahoots with Winterkorn.


Kinja'd!!! K-Roll-PorscheTamer > TractorPillow
09/24/2015 at 12:26

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Me too! ^_^


Kinja'd!!! Santiago of Escuderia Boricua > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
09/24/2015 at 12:28

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To build more, of course!


Kinja'd!!! Party-vi > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
09/24/2015 at 12:45

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But you’re not going to earn Mustang or Camaro sales, because those hover around $35k for more performance than a stripped out Porsche.

Also, by dropping the 911 pricing you’re saying to the world “our cars is only as good at it’s competitors” and “we want more Corvette sales so we dropped our prices”.

Besides, you forget that a traditional Porsche tactic is to decontent cars and then charge more for them.